A Father's Heart Break

For the past eight years Father's Day has become a bitter sweet celebration for our family. On June 15, 2002 my brother Gary committed suicide in my backyard. It was Father's Day and my daughter Mariana and I were sitting at the dining table making pasta salad to go with the other things we had been preparing for our Father's Day celebration. My father in law Clarence had a yard sale out front and my 9 year old grand daughter Carrie was flitting from place to place anticipating the family gathering. My parents had gone to church, and ironically Gary, my younger brother was also participating in the yard sale with some things he had salvaged. Gary and Clarence had acquired an old riding lawn mower which they had tinkered with and had it up for sale that day. Like many days in June, it started to sprinkle rain which was the signal for shutting down the yard sale and bringing everything in. My husband Bill, now ex husband went out to lend a hand and proceeded to crank the old lawn mower and bring it around to the back of the house. The old lawn mower ran pretty good, but it had a tendency to back fire, so as per usual it made its repeated pops and bangs all the way from the front driveway to the backyard. Till this point no one noticed that Gary had disappeared, as we live on a two acre family compound with three houses so you could loose yourself if you wanted to. As Bill made the final turn at the backyard it was all he could do to jump off the mower and to grab our grand daughter as she was approaching my brother who was lying lifeless on the ground. Bill brought Carrie to the back door and told me to call 911. I was totally oblivious to what had happened, and confused when Bill said Gary was on the ground in the backyard. I called 911, still confused but my father in law in his stoic manner made it very clear what had happened. In that one moment our lives would be changed forever.....Father's Day would never be the same. The sheriff's department and fire rescue came, then my parents arrived home from church. It was devasting, having to tell them they had lost yet another child, but for Dad it was so much worse. It was personal, his son had done this on Father's Dad. No words could take that sting away. I wish my Dad could know that it had nothing to do with him, but everything to do with the demons my brother had been fighting most of his life. Thank God we know he is in a better place today, no pain, no anguish as he walks the streets of gold in the presence of his Lord and Savior.